Never Know It

A truth for a lie.
Isn't that what you wanted?
To breath
Drip by drip
And hang upon every
Word?

I am crossing the water
With you.
I am singing the song
Of my many selves.

To be such despair.
To recount such hope.
To live as they,
The greats--

I will never know it.

And, I know not
If I would want to.

Symbols

Hours.

I've stared at the symbols,

For meaning or

Even a hint of meaning--

I find none.

Maybe,

Because there is none

And maybe,

There is, but

It doesn't find me.

There is a growing gap.

What I know, 

I think I know, 

What I don't

And those things I never will. 

A Dream of What I Was

A dream of what I was
But, now alone in the cold and empty dark,
Devoured by smoke
And dust.

I have counted
Years and months.
I have counted my counting.
I have watched from here and now.

The night with you,
Many years ago.
We counted cards,
And spoke of nothing.
Though, in every moment there seemed
Something that should be said.

To give and want for nothing,
It is a curse.

To never sleep but always dream,
It is a curse.

To be of two minds,
It is a curse.


 

Implication

It is hopeless.

Is it hopeless? A strange word, hope. hope. Such a small word.

A four-letter word.

It haunts me, the sense of hope. And, I taint it. Corrupt it. It carries me, but only so far. For where hope ends, so too do I. I cannot carry myself, alone. I cannot walk where others have not gone.

But, I do not credit myself enough, at times. So much courage...

and so little.

I value none of the worthless things that others hold dear. Distractions. Opinions. Sums, and numbers. They mean nothing. I care not for a thing because it is shiny. I care not for a thing because what it implies. I care only for the implication.

And, what purpose does that serve me?

None.

Nights

Eight bottles of wine in a week,
Dry and white to
Pass the night
Alone.

I feel as though someone
Is watching.
Watching me watch television.
Watching me sleep.

I pace with a cigarette
Dangling from my lips,
Countering the cold
With drink.
Listening to the distant hum
Of traffic,
Wondering where they go
At such a time.

Where would I go
At such a time?

Heaven Demands

Blessed and wretched;
God loves
And damns us all.

Whose hands placed
The first stone
Of the tower of Babel?

Mine and yours.

Heaven demands
We be weak
But, the world
Demands our strength.

As I see it--
There is no need of forgiveness
And there is no sin
In living.
I am not marked
And I am not damned.

I never tasted the sweetness
Of forbidden fruit.

I am not ashamed of my
Nakedness.

No.

No.